light on the mountains and banishing negativity

One of the things that I love about Utah is this

really amazing certain kind of light that seems to only

be able to exist where there are mountains.

I certainly didn't capture it how I wanted

to, but here are some attempts which

were all taken from a moving car.

*

*

Throughout this trip I have found myself in a very negative place. I was being overly critical of everyone (especially myself) and felt more unhappy and unsettled and more not myself then I have in a very long time.

I have to say the whole thing

kind of freaked me out.

I guess I thought I was past some of the most negative and self critical thoughts. I thought I had somehow gone to a place where they couldn't follow me.

But apparently not.

Being aware that I was doing this and consciously trying to take a step back and a deep breath before I let these thoughts sink all the way in or before I act on them has helped.

Brandi's affirmation challenge helped.

And now I am just trying to do the things that will make me feel like myself again, which is not always easy for me when I am not home. Home is important to me. Feeling settled in a place that is my own.

A bit of solitude in every day is important to me, and I haven't gotten much in the last week.

I have not kept up with writing.

I have not been kind to myself when I fail.

And I miss my cat. :)

I think that when I am

feeling negative and critical

and unloving toward myself

it makes it nearly impossible

for me to feel good things

from other people.

And that just isn't really fair

to them or to me.

So I am here for 2 more days

and I will try to use them to be more

loving and gentle with myself

and the world at large.

And I am seeing a midnight

showing of Harry Potter tonight

so the day cant be all bad :)

with every November comes NaNoWriMo...

With the start of November Fall is really finally here.

Its getting and harder and harder for me to get away with wearing flip flops.

Boot season has begun.

But I digress.

Today is November first, which means that last year on this date I was madly writing my 1200 words a day so as to not fall behind in NaNoWriMo (the general idea of this crazy month is that you write 50,000 words of a novel in 1 month).

*

Last year I decided to participate in part just to prove that I could. And at the time that was a good reason for me to do it. And I finished it. It was super rewarding because 1. I had never written that many words of one story before, and 2. because its always pretty fantastic to have a goal that is important to you and then to accomplish it.

*

But this year I decided not to participate, at least not in the traditional way. I am in a very different place then I was then (sometimes on any given day I will go back to an old journal and read what I wrote on that day one year ago, or 5 years ago, just to see where I was then and how I have changed) (thank goodness for people's ability to change!) and what I realized was that what I need now is quality over quantity. So I am going to create my own writing goals for this month.

*

Writing is my first love, creatively speaking.

But I have been ignoring her of late.

That is something I need to rectify.

I am still working on the details of this self imposed writing challenge, but I should have them ready to share in the next couple days.

In the meantime

have a fabulous Monday

and don't forget

to look at the

colors of the leaves. :)

the sky and my very own set of eyes

Well,

It occurred to me last night and this morning

that sometimes when I am creating or even just

trying to see something in my own odd way

just below my surface I am secretly longing to make

something that others will approve of.

Sometimes I want to make something that

other people will like.

***

While there is nothing inherently wrong with that I have realized that sometimes what I need is just to see the world trough my very own eyes and just do or make or see what I like, what will please ME, not what I am hoping will please everyone else.

***

So today I played a little

game of ignoring the little voice

in my head

and instead I took lots and lots of photos

of whatever struck my fancy.

I tried to notice and see

and appreciate

what was around me-

and frankly

it was delightful.

***

Have an awesome Friday!

a really good weekend, chapter 2

I am a bit late getting these posted as my sister's visit was now about a week ago,

but better late then never! :)

This is Dancer.

While riding her I grew very fond of her ears.

We found another rusty bridge and I just couldn't resist.

The road was VERY flooded behind it, so this was as far as we got.

But it was a great day of exploring.

a random tuesday

Sometimes I really like

slightly blurry photos.

a beautiful St Patrick’s day