cute animal awesomeness and lists

credit

credit
via Daily Pep Talk

The last couple days I have been making a lot of lists. Mostly of things I want to and have every intention of doing. I hope I actually do them. I guess there is a lot in my head these days and the lists are a part of me trying to make sense of it.

I am feeling a little bit of a creative void lately and I am trying to find ways to fill it that I can still do while working a full time day job. I am pretty sure it will all work out.

These cute animals are a good distraction.

Have an amazing weekend friends!

Reasons why I like today:

I have felt super productive and like I am finally kind of on top of things.

The sky is blue and my cat got to spend the whole day outside.

I ate chocolate and strawberries for lunch.

Tonight will be hot tubing, enchiladas and Glee.

I made a BIG book binding materials purchase and have some fun custom orders in the works. I like making albums and am hoping to keep doing more of it.

I am finally reading Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott. I have no idea how I haven't read this already, but I am reading it now and I love it. Its fun and funny and inspiring and I have big plans to start scheduling writing into my life.

I am starting to feel my balance return.

balance

Ive been officially working full time again for two full days now, but it feels like more. And though I certainly feel like the whole thing is going to be great, I have found myself wondering over and over again how in the world anyone manages to work full time, have some sort of social life, have some sort of inner life, possibly exercise or attend a yoga class or two, make a home cooked meal or even think about reading a book.

I know I used to do it. There were even points were it wasn't that difficult. Points where it seemed natural, like there was enough time so I didn't need to worry or stress.

That is the level of balance I want to get back to.
I have not been doing an amazing job so far of taking care of myself. But I know I can do better. I will do better.

The job itself is good. The first few days or weeks of a new thing are always a transition, but I think this one will go fairly smoothly.

I'm looking forward to not having quite such a lengthy commute. Though I did get to see a beautiful sky while driving home tonight.

It was 72 degrees in Portland last Saturday. It was heavenly.

baking bread and balance

The other day my sister and I decided to bake a little bread.

We used this recipe and just went for it.
And let me tell you it is GOOD.

It had been years since I had made bread so I was a little rusty, but as soon as I got that dough in my hands it all came back to me.

They are a little misshapen maybe,

but that doesn't make them taste any less amazing. :)

***

Very few things make me feel as pioneer woman like as kneading dough.

Good times.

In other news,

there is snow on the ground.

I'm drinking a mocha and using coffee shop internet.

I've been painting rocks

and watching the first season of Bones.

I'm 50 pages from the end of Outlander.

The skies are blue and the mountains are covered in white.

I have a job interview (for a job in Utah) tomorrow.

I didn't bring anything fancy so this afternoon I need to find something to wear for said interview.

I miss my cat.

Things don't always work out how I want them to and I have been letting go a bit, of expectations (and hopes maybe) and I suppose my attempt at control. Letting go of that does make it easier to be content with life as it is. But it also drives out motivation. And I worry about letting expectations get to low. Balance always seems to be the right answer. I guess I'm working on it.

a day for a drive

Today is a day to get out of town.

So that is what I'm going to do.

***

The last few days I have realized I have been allowing myself to only skim the surface of things. I haven't been looking deeper. At reasons. Motivations. Meanings. It may be easier in the sort run, but very quickly it gets old and empty and I miss the depth of things. So I am diving back in.

***

I have been thinking about giving

and being a friend to those who need one.

About letting the act of giving be

reward enough. And I have been

oddly content.

I have been enjoying the process

of creating, whether it be making a meal

or a painting.

Now its time for

a drive through the Gorge.

I will talk to you birds

tomorrow :)

aceo love and chasing the upswing

I am an interesting combination

of positive and negative.

*

In one way I am eternally optimistic, which sometimes makes it nearly impossible for me to fully give up on something. But I also have occasional strong doses of depressive tendencies mixed in with that very stubborn persistence. That makes for some pretty wild mood swings.

*

At least it keeps things interesting :)

***

But I am happy to say that

I am learning the art of control and balance

and that right now

I am on a lovely upswing.

***

This is partially due to some good friends and their kind gestures, some amazing family, a night of watercolors, many cups of coffee, my sweet kitty, and the unending rainfall yesterday.

I hope you have

a beautiful Wednesday.

ACEO's will be posted in

THE SHOP

throughout the day.

*

PS. Sometimes our confidence may get a little wobbly.

But then fate or a friend steps in and it comes back again.

And all is well.

the opposite of clinging

While at the ocean I was very clearly reminded that in order to survive and grow and use my time well for the next few months, during this next stage of my progression what I need to do more then any other thing is to stop clinging so tightly. Even if what I am clinging to is good, useful or even completely necessary. I cannot thrive, I cannot grow while I hold to anything as tightly as I have been holding.

The only way to move forward from this point is to relinquish control. To be at peace with things and with myself as they are right now.

Hope is a wonderful thing, but when too much importance is placed on certain hopes being attained, those hopes can do just as much harm as they can do good.

So
I will stop clinging so tightly
And I will be at peace with my life

and the state of things as they are right now.

PS.

also this morning

i am reminded of the importance of action.

Even if I am afraid. Even if I am hurt.

Even if I think I couldn't possibly matter or make any difference.

Sometimes you just need to do it anyway.

PPS.

photos of the ocean to come :)

structure and chaos

Today was another beautiful day.

Work went quickly, the sun was out,

and I ate my lunch outside people watching

while sitting on some stairs

near the downtown farmers market.

***

I find myself trying to organize my thoughts.

To make sense of things.

I read this passage in a book today:

"The level of structure that people seek

always is in direct ratio

to the amount of chaos they have inside them."

Abu

via Tom Robbins

in Skinny Legs and All

***

I sort of feel like that explains is.

the weekend

This weekend was just the right

balance between eventful

and quiet.

It included painting,

the city,
driving with the windows down,
blue skies,

good reminders found in unlikely places,

brunch and dinners

and good conversations,

driving under and over bridges,

baking,

spontaneous visits,

some necessary alone time,

new friends,

a feeling of potential

and possibility,

and

friendly people.

rebuilding and hiding

***

Lately I have been feeling the need to self protect.

To take a break from the outside world

and dig in

and rebuild.

So I took the day off work

I am writing, drawing, painting,

focusing on the process instead of

what it is that's bothering me.

***

Trying to write or paint the way it feels

in hopes that that will make me feel it less,

or at least feel more in control of it.

***

I cant help but be frustrated with myself when even after knowing what an issue is, or knowing that I tend towards a certain thing that isn't good for me, I still want to do that thing. I still want whatever it is that I don't or shouldn't have. I still have the impulse. And I don't always talk myself out of giving in. I am frustrated that its not easier to do what's best. But it isn't. Its hard, and my frustration wont change that.

So with the rest of my day

I will drink my mocha in the quiet,

read my book, cook some good food

and try to stop thinking about it so hard.

Relinquish control and just

let what needs to happen happen.

Stop fighting so hard for something

that maybe I shouldn't have anyway.

painting and the beauty of shades of grey

This weekend has included

lots of paining

good food and friends

nesting

and finding balance.

I am finding beauty in the shades of grey,

in looking down and finding small, beautiful bits of the world,

and even in the occasional wave of melancholy.

balance bracelets

This new series is made

for those who hope

to achieve balance.

Made from

re purposed leather,

natural hemp,

and black waxed linen thread

***

Made from

sterling silver,

natural hemp,

and black waxed linen thread

***

***
oh elusive balance,

where would we be without you.

these bracelets were made in honor

of our pursuit of you,

and made for those who seek you.

These will be listed in

the silver shop over the next

few days, starting

this evening.

Have a great Monday all!

transitions and the art of living in the now

I am currently in a state of transition.

I mean really.

jobs, houses, states, marital status etc.

all the big things are changing

all at the same time.

And a very large part of

what that means is that the place I am now

figuratively and in real life,

is not where I will be 6 months from now.

its not permanent.

at all.

***

So its perfectly natural and easy to spend time thinking about the future and where I want to end up at the end of all this change. That planning and thought is important and necessary. If you don't think about where you want to go you probably wont end up in the place you want to be.

But the other side of that

is still being present and active in

and fully enjoying

your life right here and now.

***

And sadly

I have to admit that while being in this time of drastic change

I have found more and more often

that too much of my daily life is spent focused on the future.

And it is starting to effect me.

***

And here's the thing.

we are kind of ALWAYS in a state of transition

to some degree.

***

So transition cant be a reason

to not fully and thoroughly enjoy where we are.

It just cant.

There are too many amazing things to miss out on.

So as it turns out

once again the answer

to every important question

is balance.

Just like a glass of water

and deep breathing. :)

night friends.

a space of ones own

Saturday morning I woke up with a need

to create a space for myself.

So my Mother and I got up, looked at the paper

and picked some promising garage sales.

I bought a very small wall hutch (in lime green below),

an old student desk (also in the photo below),

an antique end table, a very old bottle of perfume,

and an unopened pack of thank you cards

all for $25. That is why I love garage sales.

Then I went to work.

***

This weekend I put together a very, very small and simple space for myself.

I will use this space to write, paint, draw and make jewelry

(not involving a torch of course).

I LOVE this space.

I love it because its beautiful.

I love it because of what it means to me

and because of what I will be able to do there.

I love it because its mine.

And somehow just knowing its there

and having the option of using it

if I so desire has been wonderful.

Also the actual act of putting it together, of organizing, of touching each item that I love so dearly from where it had been stored away for so long and then putting it into what will be its new home, was so soothing.

Perhaps it was a reminder that I can still be me,

even in these new circumstances

and in this new place.

Regardless of why

it has been a really

good weekend

full of projects

and productivity.

time and space

Trying to sooth the ache

with expression.

Hope its a lovely Sunday

wherever you are.

:)

thoughts on self and frienship

Today I upset and old, dear friend.

Someone I care about.

And to be honest, it really feels pretty crappy.

I don't like feeling like a bad friend. In fact its very important to me to feel like a good friend.

But in friendships as in all relationships, there are going to be times when two people just don't see eye to eye.

So I am sitting here trying to find the balance between being good to myself and good to those I care about. And I am wondering if something being hurtful to someone I care about automatically makes it wrong, even if my sense of self tells me that it isn't.

Regardless,

today I find myself left with the fact that I hurt a friend.

Even if I didn't intend to.

And its no fun.

that elusive balance

Today more then usual I find myself seeking balance.

Seeking people who bring calm and laughter and good conversation

instead of drama and insecurity.

Even the air outside today feels a little unsettled,

like its trying with all its might to rain but hasn't quite made it there yet.

Its somehow a reminder to me to bring balance to my own soul.

To not just get used to living under that

constant cloud of wanting.

In the next few days and weeks I will be seeking it.

I will paint.

Read poems.

Take photographs.

Organize.

Bake bread.
De-clutter.

Write.

I will hold on to reminders.

I will be awake in the quiet and calm of the early morning

and I will spend time with those who uplift and love.

Go do something lovely

on this spring Saturday.

:)

behind the lens (or pen)...

a confession of sorts:

Sometimes I worry that in trying to capture a moment in words or images I neglect to actually experience the moment as much as I could or should. I worry that in trying to remember the experience I find myself feeling separate from it. That even when I am in it I am already seeing it more through the lens of a memory then I do through my own present eyes.

I don't want this to be the case.

But I also dearly love the act of capturing
a beautiful place or moment in words or images
(or both).
And I don't want to give that up either.

I am not sure that I have the perfect solution just yet...

(but on the bright side there are certainly worse problems to have :)

EDIT:

PS.

I am also looking for some good book recommendations.

Any ideas?

Thanks! :)

progress and a chat with my bridge

I had started to plan this transition a number of times before.

I had picked tentative dates to move, tentative last days at my current job.

Tentative everything.

But I never moved forward with those plans.

I never took steps to bring them any closer.

But this time things are different.

This time it suddenly feels right.

I don't know if the difference is that i am more ready this time,

or if its all in the timing -

but either way this time around it is all so much better.

I am actually making plans during the month of June

that involve me being on the west coast.

I am really starting to transition out of my current role at work.

I'm planning my big move.

I am doing things to take better care of myself.

And I am feeling better.

more positive.

more hopeful.

more like myself.

I feel more sure then before that I am on the right track

that maybe i really can improve

maybe I really can make up for my mistakes

and that maybe I really can do better next time.

Today I ate a bagel with Swiss cheese and had some delicious coffee while catching up on some favorite shows on hulu, went for a nice jog/walk since the gym is closed for spring break, made a stop at my favorite train bridge, took a drive, did a little shopping, spent some time in the sun, some time on the phone with my lovely sister, and spent some wonderful time relaxing.

So far its been a damn fine weekend.

a beautiful St Patrick’s day