no such thing as too many reminders

found here

And if you agree that there is not such thing as too many reminders that you are absolutely wonderful then go HERE and check out Daily Pep Talk From a Best Friend. Rachel writes all the pep talks in an effort to remind you to love yourself as much as your best friend loves you.

Its a good time. Check it out.

project: a big canvas bag and plan Z

I wanted a big canvas beach type bag

that was big enough to fit my laptop in.

So I made one.

Inside pocket

Also,

luckily very soon after my freak out

yesterday night I came across

THIS.

Sarah's thoughts and confidence

were just what I needed.

I am

working on

my plan Z

as we speak.

:)

a beautiful day

well.

today has been an amazingly good day.

I cant say why exactly except that

the parts that I wanted to move quickly, did,

the anxiety that I generally feel over other parts

was no where to be found,

and I was somehow able to feel oddly connected

to my work,

to the beautiful spring day that was waiting

for me outside my door,

to the music that I listened to,

to friends who can communicate volumes

with a telling look,

to my food,

to the wonderful original art

(found here, here, here and here)

that arrived on my doorstep,

to the wind as I drove with my windows down.

perhaps it was some part of me

waking up after a long

and difficult winter.

perhaps there was something in the air.

Either way,

whatever it was,

I enjoyed every minute of it.

:)

a reasons to be happy list for Valentine's Day

watching huge snowflakes fall

The West

the possibility of a fresh start

hot pink (and I am not usually a girl who is into pink)

good friends

appreciating the love that I DO have in my life

no longer being freaked out by driving in the snow

heart shaped sugar cookies with pink frosting

eating said cookie

a really good smelling candle

a glass of wine while eating pasta and watching old episodes of The Sopranos

the new plant in my office

my new favorite earrings

etsy

making things

wearing flip flops in the snow

an unexpected friend

a growing knowledge of who I am and what I want

the confidence to be that person and to live that life

taking a spider I find in the house outside instead of killing him

a cuddle from the kitty

MORE sky and confessions of a people pleaser

Work was very busy this week (again) and to be honest I can hardly remember any details from the blur of the last 7 days.
I am happy its over.

And I am looking forward to a weekend with very few plans

Its an odd thing feeling judged by those around you. Feeling (or knowing) that there are those who don’t like you. Traditionally I have always been a people please – er. I felt almost as if it were my job and I would do it to the best of my ability. To a fault certainly.

I have since gotten (and am trying to get) a little better about this.

But in so doing I am slowly starting to realize that that means I need to be ok with other people not always being pleased. Not always liking me. Sometimes they are going to think I am making a mistake or doing something badly or they will just not think that I am a person who they want to spend their time with.

And all of that needs to be ok with me.

Once over this last week someone who I would call a friend got rather accusing. And I went against my usual reaction, and instead I got mad. Because I knew that I had nothing to hide, I knew that I was not guilty of the thing she felt so inclined as to accuse me of. And I got mad. And I told her how I felt. And I provided proof as much as was possible, though I thought she was being completely unreasonable to ask me for it. And she said she was sorry and I forgave and we both moved on (though we haven’t really spoken since…).

And during this whole experience I realized two things:

1. It was really nice to stand up for myself,

to defend myself when necessary and to be honest about how I felt.

It was nice to not apologize when

I didn’t think I had anything to be sorry for.

2. I also realized that this wouldn’t have been possible

if I really had been guilty of what she thought I was guilty of.

Which is serving as a good reminder to me that if its something

I would be ashamed to admit to a friend

then I probably shouldn’t be doing it.

I have also been realizing that perhaps other people’s opinions about who I am or what I do should be a bit less important to me then they are now. If I know what I am doing and why and I am ok with my actions and my reasons they why does it really matter if other people aren’t ok with them. My thoughts, deeds and actions are mine, no one else’s, and its not my job to justify them to all those around me.

I also know that my attitude is very different if someone comes to me with concern and worry for my wellbeing instead of being accusing and angry I am a whole lot more likely to want to sit down and have a nice conversation about it.

Anyway, as promised here is a pretty sky from some night this week.

Latley I have been a bit obesessed with sky photos

Now I am off to drink something warm on this chilly morning.

of moments and mattresses…

So yesterday two very kind individuals from work offered to help me move my mattress, box spring and bed frame from a basement in the town where I used to live, to where I live now (about a 15 minute drive). This was a HUGE help to me and I was so happy to finally be getting this done. Also I have missed sleeping on my bed and was very much looking forward to it.

First let me point out a few important things to remember

when moving a mattress in a smallish pickup truck.

1. When driving with a mattress in the back of a pickup truck

it is better to tie it TO WELL then not well enough.

2. Its may also be wise to tie down corners specifically.

3. And it is also wise to drive very slowly so as to not upset the mattress.

What ended up happening was that we did not do these things, and while driving happily down the freeway the mattress actually flew off the back of the truck and landed on the freeway.
I think you will be glad to know that there was no freaking out. There may have been a gasp, but after that it was mostly just laughing.

We drove ahead to the nearest place where we could turn around and went back for it.
Luckily it was mostly on the SIDE of the road so it came out pretty much ok.

Alas, I did not have my camera with me

so none of this has been documented in images.

We then tied it back onto the truck, slightly more securely this time and away we went.
After a bit of vacuuming and wiping down, it is now safe in my little house.
I am actually sitting on it as I type.

So there was a happy ending after all. :)

Also, somewhat inexplicably considering the story i just told you,

I was struck today(yesterday actually...)

with a feeling that I really am capable

of doing lots of things on my own.
Things that in the past I would have asked someone else to do for me.
But I am realizing now that I don’t need to ask.
I can do them myself.

And it’s actually quite a marvelous feeling.