found here

Well, its been another lively and wonderful thanksgiving. I ate three large meals (one was salmon, not turkey), washed a lot of dishes, spent time with friends and family and had an altogether great time.

There is always of course a little tension too...

But I enjoyed it all and am now happy to be back in the quiet of my own home to have a day to myself.

This holiday was also colored by the loss of a good friend a little over a week ago. He was only 30 and died in a very unexpected and surprising way, an accident with a gun. It has been difficult, and I can only imagine what the holiday was like for his family. I guess as I was going through my own holiday, with a new love by my side, meeting his extended family and dear friends, feeling and hoping that this will be the first of a long line of holidays spent together, I couldn't help but think about how precious life is, and how fleeting.

I was raised in a very religious home, so that always used to color my view of death, but now without that framework to make everything fit together so cleanly, I am not sure what I think.

What I know is that life is precious. Family and friends are precious. Love is precious. Its also all very messy. But hopefully the good kind of messy.

I hope you all had a fantastic holiday. x0 ~S

Reasons why lately I have been a bad blogger...

1. I went out of town unexpectedly last week to attend my Grandmothers funeral.

2. I left my camera in Utah :( but happily I think I will get it back tomorrow.

3. We have finally started harvesting grapes which means that there is lots of extra work to do and lots of overtime.

4. I have been slightly stressed out by certain job changes (I may or may not be employed January 1st).

Reasons why right now is pretty great:

1. Harvest is fun. 2. Its getting cold which means lots of bundling up and wearing big cozy things. 3. Change can be exciting. 4. I am reading a book that I bought at Goodwill, I cant remember what its called but its about magic and its very fun. 5. In Utah I got to see all sorts of cousins and family members I haven't seen in years. 6. The view of the vineyard in the morning. 7. Sweet and creamy coffee. 8. M will be home tonight.

How have you all been??

say happy mothers day with flourless chocolate torte

I don't know about you, but my mother is a chocolate lover. So as one of her Mothers Day treats I made a flourless chocolate torte for us all to share. If you like your chocolate dark and rich, you will LOVE it.

You will need:

12 ounces dark chocolate chips

1 tablespoon vanilla

1 tablespoon dark rum

1/4 cup strong brewed coffee

5 large eggs

1/2 cup granulated sugar

3/4 cup heavy cream

whipped creme

Preheat oven to 325 degrees F.

Coat the inside of a 10 inch pan with butter. Wrap the outside of the pan with a double thick layer of aluminum foil. Also chill a large mixing bowl.

Place the chocolate, vanilla, rum, and coffee in the top of a double boiler. Whisk over simmering water until the chocolate is smooth and has no lumps. Turn off the heat and remove from the hot water. Transfer chocolate to a larger mixing bowl and let cool.

In a medium mixing bowl combine the eggs and sugar. Beat until the eggs look pale. Add 1/4 of the chocolate mixture and beat until incorporated. Pour the egg mixture into the remaining chocolate. Stir until combined.

In the chilled mixing bowl whip the creme until soft peaks form. Fold the whipped creme into the chocolate mixture. Instead of creme here I used plain soy milk, and it worked a-ok.

Pour the mixture into the prepared pan. Cover the top with foil. Place the pan into a roasting pan. Pour enough hot (boiling if possible) water into the roasting pan so that it comes halfway up the outside of the cake pan.

Bake for 30 minutes or until small cracks appear on the surface.
I ended up baking mine for more like 50 minutes, removing the foil for the last 10 minutes.
Remove from the oven and let cool to room temperature. Chill in the refrigerator until ready to serve. Add berries or whipped cream or whatever you like.

The rest of this mothers day weekend included a peace lily, chocolate chip pancakes with strawberries and real maple syrup, bacon, lots of rain, flowers, an amazing 5 course Moroccan meal, sitting around a fire pit in my friends back yard, 3 loads of laundry and a pine wood derby.

Hope all you mothers out there had a wonderful, love filled day.

a really good weekend, chapter 2

I am a bit late getting these posted as my sister's visit was now about a week ago,

but better late then never! :)

This is Dancer.

While riding her I grew very fond of her ears.

We found another rusty bridge and I just couldn't resist.

The road was VERY flooded behind it, so this was as far as we got.

But it was a great day of exploring.

the joy of family

It is a lovely Sunday morning,

yesterdays garage sale was a success

and though I am a bit exhausted

and overwhelmed by the prospect of moving

across the country and changing

pretty much everything about my current life,

I am also full of hope for the future

and confidence that I can do what needs to be done

and make my life into

whatever I want it to be.

The last few days I have been thinking more clearly

about how lucky I am

to have the family that I have.

They are amazing. All of them.

And I am very lucky.

And very blessed.

In many many cases have not deserved the

unconditional love and support
that they have given me.

There has never been a time in my life when I didn't know

that if I called they would come.

That they would immediately do everything in their power

to make things better for me,

to ease whatever pain I was in.

Today I am especially thankful for my Mother

who has been the greatest example that I could have ever hoped for

and who has had to put up with more then she deserved.

Happy Mothers Day.

a really good weekend, chapter 1

The Ridges, Athens Ohio

The greatest Sunday brunch in the state.

A conversation with the cat.

sisters are pretty great

Some really fabulous things about today:

1. I get to pick my sister up from the airport TONIGHT!

She is coming to visit and I cannot wait!

2. Her visit will include: horseback riding, lots of really great food, some good sister to sister conversation, showing her around my little town, her and Lucy's first meeting, her and the bungalows first meeting, a walk to my favorite train bridge, a hike or two, sleeping in, painting and all sorts of other wonderful surprises.

3. The ring below arrived in the mail yesterday and I ADORE it.

It was purchased here and right now it is happily perched on my finger.

(photo courtesy of Happygolicky as well.)

4. My Sunflowers are starting to sprout.

I have recently decided that there is something extra wonderful about growing something from a seed.

I like it.

5. The sun is out and its supposed to be 87 degrees today.

And now for some random meanderings:

It has lately occurred to me that communication

is pretty important.

In fact its kind of the key to most good things.

self expression,

feeling a connection to other people or the world around you,

to knowing and being who you are

and feeling safe and content and secure in your soul.

So if you have something that you need to say

say it.

Don't hold back because of fear or insecurity

or any other reason.

Just say it.

Its always better then not saying it.

its beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

the view from the plane which was almost rerouted to Twin Falls Idaho

because of bad weather, but luckily i made it to SLC in one piece.

my parent's Christmas tree

my sister's tree

a little christmas confession

This year so far has just not felt quite like Christmas to me.
I am sure it has to do with 1) the fact that work is insane busy and I have had hardly any time for anything else and 2) the fact that I am currently in the midst of getting divorced (regardless of the situation there is no getting around the fact that this is a very hard process).

But on Saturday I am going home to see family and that will be great.

In the near future (the next three months) I will also be quitting my job, moving to a new place (as yet unknown) and starting and hopefully ending the job search (- so if anyone knows of any promising job openings let me know :). It’s just a lot of change. And lately I have to admit it has been getting to me some.

It half feels full of possibility and like the start of some big adventure and half feels just a little bit terrifying.

So, starting tomorrow when I leave my work day behind

I am determined to feel more of the Christmas spirit

and to see the all the possibility in the

openness and unknown of my current future.

Now I am off to see who wins my book give away!
Only three people entered, so I think your odds are pretty good :)

christmas shopping

we made 4 whole pies

but the berry pie was my favorite :)

A whirlwind

Of Christmas shopping
Talks with my sister
Of missing my home and cat and a state that I thought I couldn’t wait to leave
Of seeing family
Having tea and playing cards

of eating the best Mexican food ever (at the Red Iguana if you are ever in SLC, UT)
Seeing my first snow of the year
Adoring the mountains and the cold
Of getting up early to try to write some before everyone else wakes up

4th of July

Laying on a blanket waiting for fireworks

We hiked to a waterfall

My mothers famous green drink

3 me's

Who I am now vs. who I was vs. who I want to be
Hmmm…

Suffice to say that those three people up there do not match. They are not the same. They have some similarities of course, a similar shade of hair, something similar in the way they smile, all of them love dark chocolate, but overall they are very different indeed.And I am just not sure that I am happy about that.

At my uncle’s funeral this week I learned things about him that I hadn’t known. He had been a Zen Buddhist and a yoga instructor for years before he married my aunt. He was in the Peace Corps and traveled all over the world but worked mainly in Africa. He rode from the bottom tip of Africa to Europe on a motorcycle and then toured Europe on a bike (the kind with pedals). He had this whole huge part of his life filled I am sure with countless adventures that I (and his children) didn’t fully know about.

It was wonderful to learn these things about him.

It was wonderful to get a better more full view of who he really was.

And it’s making me think how there are always so many things that we don’t know about people. Even about my own parents. They had whole lives before they got married and before I was born. And I think of all the things that people that I really do feel close to still don’t know about me. Not because I keep it from them but because they just don’t really come up in conversation. Life goes on and I tend to deal more with the here and now then I do with the past. But there are some things about my past that I really really love, and I think it might be good for me to think about them a little more often. Maybe try to bring them back into my hear and now.

So I am going to try to first of all remember some of what I have forgotten, share it with those I hold dear, and perhaps try to mesh the three me’s I mentioned above together into one big and better me that I can be right now.

One of my uncle’s favorite things to say was “life is good.”
And I agree with him.
Life should be good.

If its not then there is something you need to change.

what a glorious sound the keyboard makes

Sometimes the studio brings solace.
Or a journal or the sound of my fingers moving quickly over a keyboard.
I think having a place to put all of the pent up emotion that you cant quite get out through conversation

(or at least I cant)

is really really soothing.

It’s been an odd week.
We had a death in the family and I am now unexpectedly traveling out west to attend a funeral. It also just so happens I will be in town for a wedding and my grandmothers 88th birthday. And being out of town last week for work I now feel like I haven’t been home in ages.

I am feeling a bit off. Like when something is reflected in water and all the piece are there, but it’s still not quite right. The basic outline is ok but things are all wavy and out of proportion. Its just been one of those times when conversations don’t go how you want them to and you find yourself unable to be as patient as you know you should be.

Its like I have something I need to say but it just won’t come out.
Hmmm.

Anyway I am going to see my sister and parents and much extended family.
And there is always something comforting in that.
And I will keep trying to get out of me whatever it is that is causing me all this trouble.

And today that effort is enough.

UPDATE:
After an hour of typing away (what a glorious sound the keyboard makes) I think I have uncovered what I needed to say. I found it and heard it and shared it with myself. I feel much more clear. Much more settled and safe and calm. Now if only I could share it with the one I need to share it with…

PS.
I am feeling much better now in general. I was wonderful to see family and give hugs to those who need them.

I decided to still go ahead and post this even though the feeling has mostly passed.

Below is one of my favorite bridges in all of Portland. :)

balance

One thing I have been thinking about today is balance.

I work a full time job that has nothing to do with etsy, and which tends to take more then the normal 40 hours a week. I also run two etsy shops, which you all know can take quite a bit of time, effort and thought. I am trying to learn more every day about silversmithing and practice and experiment so I can continue to get better. I have a dog and a cat and a husband to take care of, feed, and not ignore, a house to clean, and a yard to try to make presentable. Plus I do try to keep a up relationships with a few good friends and my family who are all far away, and I try to have a least a little bit of a social life. Now I am sure many women out there are pulled in even more directions then that.
But in my little life, those are pretty much the main ones.

And often times I can more or less stay on top of it all, but it does seem like when something has to give it is usually the things that I do for myself. I do sometimes need some alone time, time to relax and unwind and read a book or do whatever I want, that is not work related in any way. Sometimes I need this to stay sane. But for some reason I am far too quick to give it up when time gets tight.

When I do this I think that all the other things on my to do list suffer. Its like when you are on an airplane and they tell you to always put the oxygen mask on yourself first and then put it on others who may need your help. If you cant breath you cant be much help to anyone else.

Even though logically I know this I still tend to let that be the first thing to go. I am working on it. But if any of you out there have any ideas as to how to bring more balance to my life I would love to hear them.