doorstep to doorstep

Today I returned home from camping to find a lovely and most unexpected

birthday package from wonderful UmberDove.

I am left speechless and smiling after discovering

the treasures that it contained.

***

I am completely in love.

From the way he fits in my palm

to the way he looks in his new home atop

an old wooden crate in my bedroom.

I adore him,

and YOU miss Kelly.
***

I am sending all of my faith,

love, hope and healing

right to her doorstep.

***

Now I am off to do a bit of writing

and take care of a LOT of camping

related laundry.

happy birthday to me, for real this time

This weekend held:

a bit of relaxation, a bit of running around, quite a bit of fun, a lively game of charades,

the return of some very old friends, feeling connection, a recommitting to the necessity that is

self care, some deep breathing, a bit of a renewal of faith, or at least the need for faith,

and a visit to my original favorite train bridge.

The bridge that began the love of bridges.

(out reunion was a very happy moment)

A few other thoughts:

1) I can be strong. Very strong in fact.

But that doesn't mean that I always want to be.

Sometimes it is ok to want to be

a little bit taken care of.

2) Healing takes time.

3) Guilt is not a good reason to do something.

4) and I don't think I will ever stop

being surprised by the goodness of some people.

Though I do believe strongly

that people can change,

I also have found some comfort in the fact

that the basic, fundamental YOUness doesn't

seem to change. Whatever it is that made you you when

you were young and untarnished by the world

is still you at any age. Getting wiser and more

experience doesn't make you lose that,

it only makes you a better version of it.

I'm now

OFFICIALLY 30

and I'm convinced

that its gonna

be awesome. :)

thoughts on turning 30

As my 30th birthday creeps closer

(its now one week away to be exact)

I cant help but look both backwards and forwards.

30 isn't old.

I know that.

But it is OLDER,

and its hard to not look

at where I am,

what I have,

and what I have made of

this life so far.

People, like wine, I think only improve with age.
Right now I feel more myself then I ever have before.
More comfortable. More confident.
Happier to be who I am.

Truthfully

I am happy to be turning 30.

In some odd way I feel like leaving my 20's will allow me to

leave behind some of the mistakes and trauma and stupidity of that decade.

I will remember the good, and

let go of the bad.

I cant help but think

that my next ten years

are going to hold some

really fabulous things.

And I'm looking forward to it.

***

My path is getting clearer.

My goals and desires are

beginning to show themselves

(and my understanding of

what I DON'T want is growing)

And now I think I am finally equipped

to put everything I have

into attaining what is really

important to me.

So now I'm ready to bring on the 30's. :)

happy birthday to me

lasts nights joint

birthday party consisted of

lots of old friends

some of whom

who I haven't seen in

10+ years

(it was both strange and

wonderful to see them),

swimming in a green pool,

yummy food,

kids,

and then a very good nights sleep.

my last weekend in Ohio

There was...

lots of love: PBR: mini road tripping : a good cry:

admitting what I cant do: hugs hello and goodbye: missing my cat:

some pretty incredible food: lots of calls to and from my family:

Inception: enjoying being "unplugged":

some really good laughs: a bit of contradiction: and lots of reflection.

Tonight

will include

solitude

lots of sleep

making art

and wine.

Then tomorrow comes

lots of preparations

and then my 30th birthday party :)

My actual birthday isn't until

next week, but its never to early

to start celebrating!