found here

Well, its been another lively and wonderful thanksgiving. I ate three large meals (one was salmon, not turkey), washed a lot of dishes, spent time with friends and family and had an altogether great time.

There is always of course a little tension too...

But I enjoyed it all and am now happy to be back in the quiet of my own home to have a day to myself.

This holiday was also colored by the loss of a good friend a little over a week ago. He was only 30 and died in a very unexpected and surprising way, an accident with a gun. It has been difficult, and I can only imagine what the holiday was like for his family. I guess as I was going through my own holiday, with a new love by my side, meeting his extended family and dear friends, feeling and hoping that this will be the first of a long line of holidays spent together, I couldn't help but think about how precious life is, and how fleeting.

I was raised in a very religious home, so that always used to color my view of death, but now without that framework to make everything fit together so cleanly, I am not sure what I think.

What I know is that life is precious. Family and friends are precious. Love is precious. Its also all very messy. But hopefully the good kind of messy.

I hope you all had a fantastic holiday. x0 ~S

on alone time

Hello lovelies.

Well, since recently moving out of my parents house after living there for about a year after my divorce I find myself doing a couple of things. First of all I am reveling in the freedom of it, of being able to decorate and cook and lay around and basically do just exactly what I want when I want (within reason of course). Its fantastic and I have missed it. But I also find myself feeling a bit lonely.

I have lived alone before (while separated from my ex, for about a year) and I loved it. I know that I will love it again. But I am having to relearn certain things about it.

Now, of course I know I am not REALLY alone. I have friends and family who are wonderful, a man in my life whom I adore (though he is gone pretty much every Mon-Fri for work), and an adorable kitty to keep me company.

This new place where I live is about 40 minutes from most of my friends in Portland proper and I worry that it will soon start to feel like too much effort to drive to see each other. I worry that I wont feel like making the drive for a random Tuesday night dinner with a girlfriend. But those things are important! And I don't want to miss out on them. So I will just have to make the effort and not let them slip through the cracks.

Living alone can be really fantastic, but just like anything else you have to learn how to do it right. How to take advantage of the good things and not mind the slightly negative ones.

I am working on it.

A thought: Its harder to remember that I know I am wonderful when I'm not surrounded constantly by people who also think so.

Also I think its important to appreciate those random connections you make with people. The conversation I had this morning with the lady who was repairing the printer about riding a train from Portland to San Diego and her fear of flying. I will try my best to not forget to see the value in those.

Now I bet most of you have already seen this, but go to www.andreadorfman.com/film.html and click on the first thumbnail photo to watch her how to be alone video.

its awesome.

Sorry to only post the link, I am having some computer difficulties this morning...

thoughts on girlfriends

(girlfriends ACEO)

I was going to save this post for later, but I am kinda feeling it tonight.

So I am not going to fight it.

In the past I have been pretty darn lucky

when it comes to girlfriends.

I have been blessed in fact.

We certainly have had our troubles

but when I needed them

(and visa versa) they were there.

When I moved away from Ohio I left a wonderful and dear best friend there. And then I got here I suppose I expected to meet people and make close relationships fairly quickly. I made an effort, I was nice and fun and social, and I even tried my hardest to be patient. But now here I am six months later and though I do know some wonderful women here I have not found one that I feel that particular click with.

And I know that this might not be that unusual

and that maybe I have just been super lucky to have had it

so often so far in my life

and that maybe it gets harder to create close relationships as we get older

but regardless of all these reasons or justifications or what have you

the result is that not having it (in the same town as me,

within walking distance preferably... :) pretty much sucks.

Women need to feel connection with other women

We just do.

Perhaps creative types and us emotional creatures need this even more.

i like home

I arrived home yesterday to a happy kitten

a very rainy Portland day

some etsy packages to ship

some lovely letters

and THIS amazing scarf/cuff from

the amazing Allisunny

It was a pretty delightful homecoming. :)

The interview was good.

The trip was good.

Coming home is good.

Now its time for a coffee date

with my oldest girlfriend

(meaning out pregnant mothers

spent many chatty hours together...),

a lovely Christmas dinner,

and then I think a movie watched

from the comfort of a hammock

(if you have never tried this

I strongly recommend it...).

Have a wonderful

Saturday lovelies!

aceo love and chasing the upswing

I am an interesting combination

of positive and negative.

*

In one way I am eternally optimistic, which sometimes makes it nearly impossible for me to fully give up on something. But I also have occasional strong doses of depressive tendencies mixed in with that very stubborn persistence. That makes for some pretty wild mood swings.

*

At least it keeps things interesting :)

***

But I am happy to say that

I am learning the art of control and balance

and that right now

I am on a lovely upswing.

***

This is partially due to some good friends and their kind gestures, some amazing family, a night of watercolors, many cups of coffee, my sweet kitty, and the unending rainfall yesterday.

I hope you have

a beautiful Wednesday.

ACEO's will be posted in

THE SHOP

throughout the day.

*

PS. Sometimes our confidence may get a little wobbly.

But then fate or a friend steps in and it comes back again.

And all is well.

connecting

something pretty

for a Thursday morning.

***

an ode to connections

that we

either build or break,

find or forsake.

*

doorstep to doorstep

Today I returned home from camping to find a lovely and most unexpected

birthday package from wonderful UmberDove.

I am left speechless and smiling after discovering

the treasures that it contained.

***

I am completely in love.

From the way he fits in my palm

to the way he looks in his new home atop

an old wooden crate in my bedroom.

I adore him,

and YOU miss Kelly.
***

I am sending all of my faith,

love, hope and healing

right to her doorstep.

***

Now I am off to do a bit of writing

and take care of a LOT of camping

related laundry.

thoughts on self and frienship

Today I upset and old, dear friend.

Someone I care about.

And to be honest, it really feels pretty crappy.

I don't like feeling like a bad friend. In fact its very important to me to feel like a good friend.

But in friendships as in all relationships, there are going to be times when two people just don't see eye to eye.

So I am sitting here trying to find the balance between being good to myself and good to those I care about. And I am wondering if something being hurtful to someone I care about automatically makes it wrong, even if my sense of self tells me that it isn't.

Regardless,

today I find myself left with the fact that I hurt a friend.

Even if I didn't intend to.

And its no fun.