It was wonderful.
The music was great (she has been one of my favorites for years)
and it was great to get to spend a little time in a city -
and a city with a river and bridges is my favorite kind of city -
and I got to spend time with some dear friends who i had been missing more then I had realized.
And now I find myself wondering about my future.
This has been a common thread of thought lately and I don't mean to sound repetitive, but its hard not to dwell when there is so much that feels clouded and unknown. Oddly enough in the last couple of weeks I have not felt worried about it. I think about it more with interest, like I wonder in what way things will happen, but its as if I already know the ending.
I am confident that things will work out.
That I will somehow end up wherever I am supposed to be.
But I can honestly say
that right now
I don't know where that is.
And though its a huge comfort to feel sure that I will be ok (however unfounded that feeling may seem at times) I am still dying with impatience to know where and how and when and with who. Its as though I want to just get on with it already.
And while having these thoughts it has occurred to me that perhaps part of the purpose of the now knowing is the learning to let go of needing to know. Learning to be patient. To be quiet. To just wait and watch and listen and to let things unfold the way they need to, not the way I want them to. Because as much as I try to hurry it along, me impatiently tapping my foot is not going to make anything good come to me any faster.
A new focus for the coming weeks and months:
and faith enough in the universe
to allow things the time they need
to unfold the way they were meant to.