Since I have started working downtown
I have been riding the bus every day to work.
And suddenly I am realizing that I LOVE IT.
Besides the whole good for the environment
and world in general thing,
which of course is great,
I also love it in that selfish,
good for me kind of a way.
I am on the bus
a total of about
an hour a day.
Sometimes I read, sometimes I write in my journal,
sometimes I just people watch and look at the city through the window.
Sometimes I smile at the odd looks I get from people
when they catch me snapping photos out the window.
Often times I just let my mind wander.
I realized that I had been neglecting some very important things. I had been neglecting doing most of the things that I love most. I had been ignoring my need to do the things that make me, me. Its like I got so caught up in a full time job and life that I ignored what actually makes life good.
So needless to say I was in a bit of a funk.
I really hate feeling antsy and unsettled and needy...
But I think i am starting to come out of it.I am realizing:
1. old habits really do die hard. And just because I recognize it doesn't make it easy to change it. Some of these unfortunate habits are going to have to be things that I watch for, for a very long time.
2. I don't think I am going to enjoy dating. I am divorced and am beginning to think about really getting back into all that, and I am realizing that I would pretty much always rather be in a relationship. the dating part is no fun. and I am going to have to figure out how to be picky, but not TOO picky... Its just a whole different ballgame then it was before I got married. Its going to be interesting.
3. I like my body. Sometimes I focus way too much on the internal and forget to enjoy the REAL. Nature, the way sand feels on my bare feet, or the feel of my hair blowing around while I drive with the window down. The point is I don't want to forget the external.
The other night I went on a scooter ride with a friend of mine, and it was a really good reminder to enjoy the NOW and the external real feel of the things that are around you.
4. balance is hard. I know this. we all know this. But you just have to keep working at it and eventually you will get it mostly right.
So today I am going to
get out and enjoy nature
make a book or two
and be social.
and maybe take a bath.
Hope you all
have a great