well, I am now gainfully employed,
but only temporarily.
(This all came about because I had a small freak out
about feeling horribly wrong about a particular job offer
but also feeling from the responsible and practical
side of me that I really SHOULD take it...
and anyway I ended up
telling my boss on my third day of work -
which was actually today -
that I didn't think this position was going to be a good long term fit
for me and together we decided that I would stay to help out
for a month or two while they try to find someone else,
which is actually kind of great for me too...
some things really DO work out quite well in the end. :)
while I was determining my course of action on the job front I have made a few realizations.
I do not want to float around anymore, ending up in whatever
job happens to get dropped in my lap.
Instead I want to make deliberate decisions.
(about career path, about relationships, about myself)
I want to really take the time to think about what I WANT
and really take advantage of the freedom that I now have.
This time (all time) is a gift
and I WILL NOT waste it.
I have not allowed myself enough
time and space to heal
from all of my
moving across the country, leaving friends and home,
being constantly in flux, moving in with family,
quitting my job with no new job lined up, job searching,
money stress, etc etc).
So, since I have now realized this,
I think the time has come
to fix it.
As a solution to the above
I have decided that what I need is to give myself
time to think and write and read and be alone and be with people and take random aptitude tests and think about best and worst case scenarios with life and careers and relationships and family and think and dream and save money and plan and to be practical and very very not practical. I am going to put large amounts of effort into this for a month or two or three and then I will see how the world looks when I come out the other side.
All I know is that
a few days ago
my path felt very WRONG.
Like it wasn't going to
take me where I wanted
But this one,
And that is reason
enough for me.