If am not ok I want to say I am not ok.
And I will go through my day and perhaps forget. Perhaps not.
But it won’t matter if I forget or not because there is nothing to be done about it.
Nothing but to just get through it.
It will not be sudden and it will not be clean or clear.
It will be messy.
I will be messy.
And we will be that way for a long time.
I do not know the answers.
I don’t know the best path.
I am feeling my way through this
And I am afraid of getting bitter. Angry. Resentful.
I do not want to be that woman.
But some days I am her.
I will try not to be.
Because there is no should. There is no I deserve…
Its all subjective and its all just people
and there is only so much that people can do.
Don’t get bitter.
Don’t get angry.
Ask for what I want and need.
But if it doesn’t work out it will still be ok.
I will be ok.
BUT I feel confident that everything is going to be all right.