Thursday, November 18, 2010

light on the mountains and banishing negativity

One of the things that I love about Utah is this
really amazing certain kind of light that seems to only
be able to exist where there are mountains.
I certainly didn't capture it how I wanted
to, but here are some attempts which
were all taken from a moving car.

Throughout this trip I have found myself in a very negative place. I was being overly critical of everyone (especially myself) and felt more unhappy and unsettled and more not myself then I have in a very long time.
I have to say the whole thing
kind of freaked me out.
I guess I thought I was past some of the most negative and self critical thoughts. I thought I had somehow gone to a place where they couldn't follow me.
But apparently not.

Being aware that I was doing this and consciously trying to take a step back and a deep breath before I let these thoughts sink all the way in or before I act on them has helped.
Brandi's affirmation challenge helped.
And now I am just trying to do the things that will make me feel like myself again, which is not always easy for me when I am not home. Home is important to me. Feeling settled in a place that is my own.
A bit of solitude in every day is important to me, and I haven't gotten much in the last week.
I have not kept up with writing.
I have not been kind to myself when I fail.
And I miss my cat. :)
I think that when I am
feeling negative and critical
and unloving toward myself
it makes it nearly impossible
for me to feel good things
from other people.

And that just isn't really fair
to them or to me.

So I am here for 2 more days
and I will try to use them to be more
loving and gentle with myself
and the world at large.
And I am seeing a midnight
showing of Harry Potter tonight
so the day cant be all bad :)


  1. two words: harry potter! i was at a midnight showing, too...glad i got to see it "with" you :)

  2. me too! It was lots of fun, and I hope you got to see some good costumes :)


Thank you so much for commenting!