I arrived home
to find myself having a bit of a freak out.
I was fine, more then fine,
but suddenly I am surrounded by doubt and darkness.
Where there was confidence and faith,
there are now questions and fear.
I question it all.
I question too much.
And though I know that ALL my fears and worries aren't true
(they CANT be true... ??)
I am terrified that they are.
There is horror in it.
And I am afraid.
I know that the
strength of the feeling will pass.
but the seed of doubt that it planted
will be harder to discard.
When it came
I felt that I couldn't pretend
it wasn't there.
I couldn't pretend
that it wasn't frightening.
So I allowed it to wash over me, embraced it,
but only for a short time.
I felt I had to honestly share it.
And now I will try to begin
to climb my way back.