The last few days I have been unable to find the words for whatever it is that I want and need to put into words. I tried. I wrote. But it wouldn't come out right. And I was (am) frustrated.
But in the frustration
one thing I have realized is that I have allowed things
(both in real life and in my head)
to get a whole lot more complicated then I want them to be.
I didn't mean to do this, but I did it none the less.
So now I am on a quest for the
simple and clean and uncomplicated.
In the past that would have meant that I would go hide away somewhere and uncomplicated my existence by running away from all interaction with people until I went completely stir crazy and would end up calling everyone I know. That was clearly not the best method of fixing the issue at hand. So this time I will not do that. This time I will try to create a healthy, quiet, uncomplicated, existence that still has all the benefits of being surrounded by people who I care about and who care about me. Because lets face it, I need people, we all do. And digging a hole to hide in just wont work. So instead of that I will spend time outside, I will do those things that I love and that bring me joy, and I will have interesting and engaging conversations where I actually share of myself with others (and though it wont be without fear, I will do it IN SPITE of the fear).
For once if there is someone who is not uplifting or appreciate of who I am and what I have to give, instead of trying to convince them to love me I will just walk away. Let it go. (I know, what a novel idea). And instead of chasing that person who is bad for me I will spend my time with those who are good for me.
This life is short.
And I know that there are much worse things that could happen then any of what has happened to me. But, knowing that this precious time is all we have I am feeling this need to stop wasting it with those who do not bring me up.