Friday, January 8, 2010

snow and not the greatest place

The last few days around here we have gotten lots and lots of snow, and it is supposed to continue to come until this evening. Since i live so close to where i work these days, i don't really mind it. Instead i can just enjoy how beautiful it looks when i am all cozy reading a book in my little house. :)
Also i have found myself in a bit of a bad place the last few days.
When i get in these moods one part of me wants to obsess on figuring out WHY
i get in these moods to begin with,
but the other half just wants to figure out a way to get myself out of it.
This week I think the second half is winning.
Basically lately i have felt this crazy need
to have other people give me something
But quite often even if i do work up the courage or whatever
to actually ask or attempt to get what i need
either they don't want to give it, or they cant,
or what they can give ends up
not being what i really wanted in the first place.
And from there i generally either get filled with rage
or terribly terribly sad.
Which of course, isn't real good.
So, i am thinking now that the results will be better if I just don't ask.
If instead I try to work through it on my own, whether that be through writing it all out of me
or trying to distract myself with a very enthralling book.
Turns out I am actually pretty easily distracted and can get very wrapped up in what i read.
So we will see how this next attempt goes.
And i have no idea why i am waking up as early in the morning as i have been.
But i am really really looking forward to sleeping in this weekend
and not having anything I have to do
except watch the huge snowflakes fall. :)


  1. Love the pic of the footprints on the steps. Stay warm!

  2. Oh it's so hard to get exactly what you need from other people! And it's so difficult to learn to be able to give it to yourself instead, difficult but not impossible! Sigh, I struggle with this too.

  3. i seem to struggle with feeling guilty for wanting anything at all too.

    But i think it HAS to be ok to want or need certian things from other poeple. I mean right?!??


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